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Archive for May, 2010

this is Moo

This is Moo.  He’s a furry, insightful creature bequeathed to me by a former colleage, who left the world of public relations to pursue a nursing career.  Every time I look at Moo, I am reminded of my former colleague’s courage to follow her calling.  More to the point, when Moo fixes his bovine gaze on me, I’m reminded of my own inner voice that’s forever beckoning me to enter the realm of the stay-at-home mom.  I’ve muzzled this voice for years (four years, actually), because the stars never seemed to be in alignment.  

Turns out they’ll never be in alignment and the truth is that I’ve just been scared.  I’m scared to move from two incomes to one.  I’m scared to give up my career which, when face-to-face with the prospect of leaving, defines me more than I’d care to admit.  I’m scared to give up regular adult contact.  I’m scared of this flighty economic downturn that doesn’t want to end.

But then my one-year old wakes up from a nap and demands to, “Rock-a-bye baby!”  or my four-year old does a headstand in the living room and I yelp with delight and his little chest puffs up with pride.  Then I cook a stir-fry and my husband raves about it for days and somehow it brings me more satisfaction than a productive day at the office.  Then I’m alone on the back patio with the birds and the wind and God and I know it’s time to stop being scared.

So I’ll go back to the office tomorrow, but my days are now numbered.  And Moo’s gaze will no longer burn a hole in my back.

      

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